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The Damage of Ghosting vs. Mature Closure

There wasn’t even a word for it back in the olden days. This concept of “Ghosting” someone – the term which exists now, is when you stop communicating with someone, but don’t let them know why. Back in my early years, that was my modus operandi. I just didn’t want to deal with having to end a relationship, whether it was romantic or otherwise, so I would just cut and run and never give it a second thought. I didn’t even consider the damage I was doing to another person’s psyche, by this behavior. 

But once I had a spiritual advisor, I had to change my evil ways because now I had accountability to another person. That was a bummer.  No longer could I continue to behave any way I wished, which was usually in a beastly manner, causing damage and carnage wherever I went, even though I never realized it. Someone once referred to me as a tornado, blowing through people’s lives and damaging everything around them.

I met this handsome man who owned a plumbing business. He was not my usual type of person to run with, but it made for interesting conversation, if you enjoy hearing about different types of piping material. Anyway, we dated two or three times and it was very enjoyable, but a future? Yeah, not so much. Mainly because he was a daily pot smoker and I was trying to stay away from that world so it had no real future. But, the question was – how do I get away from him? I mean, my best thinking was – to cut and run. He didn’t have to know directly that I was no longer interested. When he didn’t hear from me, he’d get the picture.

That was how I thought.

But my spiritual advisor had other ideas. She told me I had to go to him face to face or at least call him and officially break up with him.

I prayed before I made the call, and when he picked up, I simply thanked him for the time he spent with me but let him know I wasn’t interested in seeing him anymore. He agreed it was clear I was not all that into him. But he thanked me for letting him know. And then we said goodbye and hung up. It was not dramatic nor crazy. It just was a way of making a mature closure.

A year later, I ran into him and his new fiancé at a party. I was genuinely happy to see him and glad he’d found someone. We chatted for a few seconds and then moved on. I didn’t have to avoid him, I wasn’t uncomfortable seeing him.  I could face him with my head held high and be gracious toward him. I also heard that after we’d broken up, he only had nice things to say about me to his friends. What a concept – you get a good reputation when you behave like an adult!

I could have avoided the discomfort of calling him and facing up to letting him know, but then spent my life afraid I’d run into him, and damaging him by ghosting him. Or, I could have a moment of discomfort, breaking up with him. But then I’d have a lifetime of peace. When presented that way, it’s not too difficult a choice, is it?

Have you ghosted someone and you’re afraid of running into them?

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