I can understand why. Dying alone is one of our biggest fears.
But the idea of dying alone – is actually a myth. We may seem like we are physically alone – However, ultimately, God is with us.
Before we can explore dying – we have to talk about birth. The whole process of birth takes place alone (unless you’re a twin). The birth process ends when you come out of the body, but most of the process happens on the inside. It’s only when you come out that others surround you.
If death is the mirror image of birth, even if people are around us, we are essentially alone. The process is ours alone to do. It’s a solitary event, meant to be done by ourselves internally. That is the process.
Sometimes people even interfere with our death process, which makes it harder for us to leave our bodies. I saw this firsthand, years ago, when I was a chaplain on a bone marrow transplant ward. The patient was actively dying and I was called to his bedside. At the moment of his death, his wife cried out, disrupting his death process. He seemed to come back into his body for another minute and only then he was he able to leave again.
This kind of experience is why many people wait for their loved ones leave the room before they die. My grandfather invited my aunt to take a walk to get fresh air. When she left, he was only then able to leave his body.
What tears at us is our own guilt of not being able to have the closure of saying good-bye to our loved ones. That is the toughest part. They will be okay, but will we be?
So here’s how to overcome the fear and pain.
- If you care to believe it, we have spirit angels who surround us and protect us. When they need to appear to give us guidance, they do. Hence, we are never alone.
- Before we incarnated into this body, we knew how we would die. It was agreed upon. So to die alone is not a shock to us. It is only difficult for the ones left behind if they didn’t have closure.
- The pain I feel about someone dying alone is because of MY OLD IDEAS about death. It’s not the truth, it’s my reality. Once I acknowledge that I am creating my own narrative, I can then choose to change it.
Lao Tzu compared life to a body of water. On the surface of the water is chaos and movement but deep within there is stillness, peace and harmony.
This is a scary time of uncertainty, which can trigger all of our deepest fears. At these moments, we must remember that fear is not reality. It is just fear.
God is with us – we are never alone.